A New Beginning Recovery Humor

Things To Do When You're Stressed!

Ask stupid questions
Bill your doctor for time spent in his waiting room
Boil or Fry Ice Cream
Boldly go where no woman has gone before
Braid your dogs hair
Calmly have a nervous breakdown
Carve your initials in a marshmellow
Chew every bite of food 100 times
Clean and polish your belly button
Contribute to the population problem
Count all the sheets of toilet paper on a roll to see if you got your money's worth
Do something you have never done before or have never consdiered doing
Draw on the window with grape jelly
Dress like your favorite heavy metal group and surprise your grandmother
Drive the speed limit... in your garage
Drop something to see if it breaks
Eat only chocolate colored foods for a week
Give your cat or dog a mohawk
Learn to type with your toes
Play tiddly- winks, go for blood
Look at your problems from a totally different angle, stand on your head if you have to!


		Signs That You've Grown Up! Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM You keep food, not beer in the fridge . 6:00 AM is when you get up, not go to bed Your friends marry and divorce, instead of hook up and break up You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14 You don't know what time Taco Bell closed anymore You feed the dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers Dinner and a movie is the whole date, instead of the beginning of one You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one!

~Random Quotes~
"I tried sniffing coke once but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose"
"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility"
"It takes 42 muscles to smile, so instead put up your middle finger and tell them to bite you"
"Most good judgement comes from experience~Most experience comes from bad judgement"